Many people make New Year’s resolutions, but then find they give up or lose determination. Even resolutions to change simple things in your life can be difficult to sustain unless you flesh out a full plan to create the context for change. By the end of January, many have already given up on their “resolutions.” Here are a few things to keep in mind as you prepare to make change happen in your life.
1) Change is hard.
It involves changing thinking, feeling and behavioral habits that may be deeply ingrained. Kicking yourself for “slipping” only punishes your self. Be gentle and forgiving with yourself and remember, it will take as many attempts as it takes to make enduring changes in your life.
2) Redefine “Consistency”
Being “consistent” in human terms about making change happen is not a black or white concept. For example, there are those rare creatures that go to the gym without failure and maintain excellent health their whole lives. For the rest of us, consistency is about getting back on the horse after you have fallen off. Punishing your self for not being able to make immediate, absolute consistent change only decreases self-esteem. The more important thing is to remain positive and don’t let a few lapses make you feel as if you have failed. Keep trying! Change most often involves a variety of changes to your lifestyle and that means breaking many habits and then creating new ones. It also often involves developing new skill sets. No one learns a new skill without trial and error and setbacks are unavoidable. Give yourself credit for not giving up!
3) Barriers to change.
Treat set backs as a learning opportunity. Why were your initial attempts not successful? Was it an issue of timing? Did unforeseen circumstances arise? Identify any barriers that got in your way of changing and problem solve on how to remove or deal with them differently.
4) Add Before Subtracting
For those trying to stop a negative habit, try and think of at least 3 positive things you can ADD to your life to give you the ego-strength to then attempt subtracting the negative. Taking stock of your strengths and resources can help you come up with the necessary positives to fuel your attempt at change.
a) Make a list of all your strengths/positive personal attributes as well as times when you were successful at accomplishing goals in your life. What makes you proud about yourself? What positive things do people say about you? Having difficulty in making a change in our life does not diminish all those times in your life we you were successful!
b) Take a look around your social ecology. How can spouses, partners, family and friends be supportive of you? Who are the people that you can rely on? Who has made you feel understood, supported, or encouraged? What strengths do they have that you can lean on or borrow to help you? If you know anyone who has made the change you seek, ask them how they made it happen in their lives.
5) Goal Setting
The most important element to successful goal setting is breaking down the change you desire to make into smaller, achievable units. Setting the initial goal too high sets us up for failure. A classic example is the individual who wants to quit smoking, drinking and over eating all at once. This is simply way to many thinking, feeling and behavioral habits to change all at one time! In attempting any kind of long term change, set short, medium and long-term goals so that you break the over all change into smaller, more manageable increments and then award yourself for achieving each goal.
In conclusion, self-empowerment is the key to making successful changes in our lives and comes from three things: 1) valuing oneself, 2) having achievable goals, and 3) creating a plan to reach these goals that has the potential to be successful. If you have questions about these ideas about how to make changes in your life, feel free to comment on this blog post or ask me questions on my professional facebook page (Search “Ken Voorhees, LCSW – Psychotherapist). I would be happy to answer your questions.
No comments:
Post a Comment